gone..

He wants nothing to do with me anymore... this is so hard to accept. after everything we have been through. it's just so hard to take in so quick. how could i do this to myself, how could i set myself up AGAIN to be hurt? I mean he has said things to me like this before, but this time i think it is for real. I'm never going to see him again.. I'm never going to be able to talk to him, never touch him again, never kiss, hug, laugh with, nothing! This is the worst feeling ever. I want him so badly it kills me. but now it is time for me to let him go. as hard as it is, i need to. I am gradually erasing him out of my life. forever. I deleted him off my friends on myspace, facebook, and also his number out of my phone. he's hopefully going to be nothing but a blurred memory. I'm done being hurt. I'm done waiting around for him. I'm done crying. but most of all I'm done believing. goodbye Bry. 

just getting deeper in.

last night was AMAZING! i got to see him and hangout with him again finally. It's just getting harder and harder to let go though. He is leaving in a couple months and I don't need to fall even harder. I realized last night, how bad I am truly going to miss him once he is gone. I realized how bad I really do want him. In the middle of us kissing i just started crying... like seriously, i was balling. I don't know what was wrong with me, I know he was pretty confused as well. He kept asking me what is wrong, but i couldn't even speak. finally I was under control and all that came out of my mouth was "I miss you." He just hugged me tight and kissed my shoulder. I am guessing that means he misses me too?. I can't help but ask myself, is this going to be like last summer again? Is this just going to be another summer romance? I really wish he could see through me, see what I really feel for him. I have told him a million times but i don't think that is enough. He still just doesn't get it. I feel like I am too young to be feeling this way. I feel like older people are reading this saying, "wow, she really has no clue yet." or just thinking I am an idiot. I have just been so confused lately about everything. I need to get things figured this summer. I need to get over my fears, conquer my anxiety and depression, and I need to be happy again.