Guilty

He's like my Edward to me. I cant live without him. I have never wanted anything more. he's not good for me though... that’s what I have been trying to get through my head, that’s what my friends, and even my mom have been trying to tell me. Because of him I have felt loved. but not only that... used, heartbroken, guilty, gross. needless to say I should hate him, but it is completely the opposite. I could never explain to anyone how I let this happen or why I am feeling this way. because I honestly can't even explain it to myself. it makes me sick to my stomach of all the ways I can think about how this could have been prevented. But everything that has happened I completely blame myself, 100%. I just wish he could know how I am blaming myself, how I am taking full responsibility for his actions as well as my own, and what he is doing to me. I just can't believe myself... I know better.