Everything Happens for a Reason.

I just have to kinda explain my last blog. I was going through kinda a rough stag getting over someone, but things are looking up! I am achieving what I thought was impossible. Which the impossible (i thought) was, getting over him. I realize that I am a strong young women, who deserves only the best. I think this was truly a life changing experience. I felt things like I have never felt before, I know things that I never knew before, and now I know what to stay away from. I don't ever want this to happen to me again, so i am going to be very cautious now on who I am dating. So boys think twice before asking me out, unless you truly think you are going to treat with the most respect and kindness i deserve.

Guilty

He's like my Edward to me. I cant live without him. I have never wanted anything more. he's not good for me though... that’s what I have been trying to get through my head, that’s what my friends, and even my mom have been trying to tell me. Because of him I have felt loved. but not only that... used, heartbroken, guilty, gross. needless to say I should hate him, but it is completely the opposite. I could never explain to anyone how I let this happen or why I am feeling this way. because I honestly can't even explain it to myself. it makes me sick to my stomach of all the ways I can think about how this could have been prevented. But everything that has happened I completely blame myself, 100%. I just wish he could know how I am blaming myself, how I am taking full responsibility for his actions as well as my own, and what he is doing to me. I just can't believe myself... I know better.

wow, havent been on this forever...

well i guess i really need to update my blog huh?
well just today my best friends eva got baptised. it was amazing! i had to give a talk on the holly ghost which went more smoothly than i planned. i was and am so proud of eva for what she has accomplished. its going to be so great to see the changes going on in her life. i love my eva, she is my #1 best friend! the one i can truely depend upon.
Also just been trying to fight back feelings lately that i have for a this guy. its been very difficult to get over him. without him i would have never had the most amazing summer of my life. but, without him i wouldnt be heartbroken right now, wishing i was that girl he is kissing and giving his heart to. I want to be her more than anything, and i hate that feeling. it is so true that the one guy you cant have is the one you will always have a thing for. I wish he would know more about how i truely feel about him.
well that is all for now... hopefully i can keep this thing more updated! peace.

Confused.

Well school has been so great! And today was even better because i just switched around some classes, so now i have dance 2 with my best friend Eva! Even though I have been getting a crap loud of homework it hasn't been too hard yet. Yes there is probably 1 assignment I haven't done, but hey at least I'm trying my hardest, haha.
Recently i have been very confused with my feelings toward a couple guys. Their names will be "Bob" & "Billy" ha. well "Bob"... wow we have gone through a lot this summer, i absolutely adored him. He was probably the best thing about my Summer. But things ended, he's moved on, but i am having a really hard time getting over him. I think i have been doing better though at moving on. Today i barley thought about him, yay! well "Billy" is a really cute guy in my grade. I'm not very sure if i like him or not. There is just something i can't get passed about him. But oh man when he gave me a hug the other day, I felt something... like a connection between us or something like that. He is such a nice guy and I know he would treat me right. I really hope "Billy" likes me. I've told maybe 2 people that i like him and they think i should date him, but I'm not really sure if i should or not. Oh well though, if "Billy" starts getting more like he likes me and he does ask me out i will know it was meant to happen, so I'll be like heck yes! haha.

Friday night disaster

well today at school was pretty awesome! i found out some things that were interesting. Like my Algebra 2 teacher went to high school with my brother Austin. But after school when i got home i was doing homework and i decided to cook dinner and make a cake. Dinner was pretty good, besides eating all alone while my parents were out at a movie and shopping. The cake... ehh, didn't turn out oh so great. I really don't think i was meant to make that cake you should hear all the mistakes i made when i was making it. I first forgot to put water in it so the batter was like frosting and i was putting it into the pan when i realized something is missing, so i looked at the recipe and i forgot water! So, I put water in it and when it was finally all mixed together I put it in the pan, but what happened next is i forgot to put the freaking pam on the pan so the cake doesnt stick! And so i take the batter out of the pan for the second time, put the pam in, wait for the oven to heat up, and put the cake in. As i wait for the cake to be done i ate dinner. i kept the cake in longer than it said to have it in there for. the edges of the cake was perfect, but the middle... oh goodness it was like water! I threw the cake away. And just to top everything off, i'm stuck at home all alone being bored out of my mind while it feels like everyone else is doing somehting. Even my parents are out having more fun than me, I must really be a pathetic loser when my parents are out doing something on a friday night and i'm not. Well writing this blog has put me in a better mood. Saying how i feel over this just makes me feel 100% better! Hope everyone is enjoying this "wonderful" Friday night! :)

Jr Year!

That's right! I will be going into my Jr year at West Lake High School! I couldn't be more excited to go to a brand new school with all my friends, and also the new prople i will be meeting there. I hope to meet many. Tomorrow will be the first day! This year I have many goals to acomplish. They include trying my hardest in all the work i do, being more outgoing, not judging, becoming friends with everyone that will accept my friendship, be drama free, try not to get into a serious relationship, make school fun, and smile as much as possible. :) Like i said... this year is going to be the best.

If that boy were an apple, he'd be delicous.

Well just this last friday i got ungrounded finally! i got to go see my best friend Eba who i haven't seen for about 2 weeks! And trust me that is a long time for us. We went over to Olybias house and hung out with her, Britney, Ashley, Chris, Cameron, & Megan. It was oh so much fun.
Saturday, my mom, my Aunt Sonja, and I went to see Julie & Julia. What a great movie that was. I laughed so much through it. I recomend everyone to go see it. Ever since we went and saw that movie my mom has been cooking like crazy, which isn't like her haha. She is making dinner right now and zuccini bread, yum!
Today has been a pretty good day as well. I went to church and had a great lesson about enternal marriage in sunday school. I will be writing my future spouse a letter i'm pretty excited to write it, but I have no idea what to say in it. In young womens we learned about self purity through self-dicapline. I think i really needed that lesson too. I have been trying to lose weight, but it is so hard! So from what i learned today i need to have self-dicapline to help me lose weight. If I teach myself that then i'm positive i will be able to lose the weight i want and be comfortable with my body again.

Great day!

Today was such a great day! i passed my road test. he told me i was one of the best drivers he has had! wow, what a compliment, it just made my entire day! i only missed 8 points out of the 20 you can miss! now i am just going to have to wait for some time in september to go to the school and get my certificate to get my license on september 18th!!! wahoo!! i feel so proud of myself. :)

First Blog!!

Well my sister-in-law Jen talked me into getting a blog. I thought it would be fun though. now the problem is finding what to write about... I guess i will start off by talking about my day. Well i started road today, I was sooo nervous! But it's really not as hard as i thought it would have been. I just hope I will pass haha. i have it till Wednesday and Wed is test day, scary! but I'm just so glad i'm getting over with it. I will be getting my license on September 18th! tonight the Stevens family got together (as we do on the first Monday of every month) for Family home evening. It was lots of fun Jen did a great job on getting everything ready and being a great host, i'm sure everyone sure loved being in yours and Austins beautiful home.